Gratitude

So this morning as I  was driving to work I was feeling extremely frustrated and complaining to myself about all the things that irritate me, mostly things that I cannot control, and therefore think should not be a part of my life...and then I came to work and read this email about a family I work with that were adopting a little girl from China, and their struggle to raise the $30,000 needed to make the trip and bring home the little girl they had been praying for for nearly 3 years. Then I started thinking how lucky, and blessed I have been, to be able to have my own child, and not have to rely on the help of others to get me what I so desperately felt I needed.
Need is not the right word though, I wanted him, and to imagine I couldn't have something I want, seems to selfish in comparison to what others have to go through. And yes, I lost a child, and deep inside do feel like I deserve everything I've gotten, the fact that I have taken it for granted has not eluded me today. All my complaints are gone! I can't control everything, as I should have learned during the long hard journey it took to get our wonderful little angel here, and I should be grateful for that, how boring life would be if we all got what we wanted, when we wanted...
And so, I have to humble myself a little bit, and say prayers for this wonderful family doing such an unselfish thing, taking a child that is not their own, into their world, so she can feel the love as if she WAS their own. And I also have to tell my own family how much I love them, and appreciate everything they have done, and are doing, to help me and my blessed little family.
To my Mom and Dad, you guys have been a tremendous help and support to me and Jamie, never judging or thinking less of us because of decisions we have made. Financially you guys are making so many things possible, and we do appreciate it so much!! We will not let you down. :-)
For my sisters, we haven't always been very close, but I have to tell you 2 how much it means to me that we have the relationships we have now, and that we have become as close as we have, and even though my big sister is going to drive me nuts living a block away, I am glad I will have someone I have come to rely on be my neighbor! And my little sister...I am SOOOO proud of you and how well you have grown up and seemed to escape all the hardships your older siblings have experienced :-).
And then there's my brothers....I love you guys!! We don't talk as much as the girls do, and I hardly see you guys, not that I'm blaming Jordan, it's hard to make the commute from Iraq, but you guys mean the world to me, and I can't imagine having 2 better brothers. You guys both have huge hearts, and I love you so much for them!
So there you have it...my little morning rant, but I had a very sincere feeling today that I wanted to share my gratitude!
P.S. I can't forget my husband, who has been there for me through thick thin, for better or worse, and definitely for richer or poorer! The times I have tried to push him away, he has just come back even stronger and more determined to make me happy...and happy I am!!

Labor Day Weekend

As we all know, this last weekend was Labor Day, yay for the 3 day weekend!! Even though I get 4 day weekends, every weekend, thanks to my wonderfully forgiving work schedule. And, it was our holiday for the kids...and I was nervous as hell! Not that I don't love them, but it's hard work to be a stepmommy! Long story short, only Jaeden ended up coming, and I have to give the kid props, he was awesome!!

There wasn't one tantrum the whole weekend...and we've been working on a rewards system with the kids, and for Jaeden, it was a miracle! He loves trying to earn his "tickets" for doing something good, and this weekend he earned a LOT! So, we bought him a Sonic the Hedgehog game, we all remember how fun that was! Only his is on Xbox, way cooler...but whatever, we weren't all lucky enough to be born in the 21st century.

Not only did he not throw fits, but I've come to notice how amazing of a big brother he is to Kaeson, it totally melts my heart. So we had a lot of fun :-). We didn't do much, I worked a little bit on Saturday, then we went back and walked through "our house" again, and I didn't want to leave!!

Sunday we went to church, but ditched our early to go to the lake for a few hours, since it's starting to get cold, we knew it would be one of the last times we'd be able to enjoy it, so I think we're forgiven. On Monday we went to RC Willey and got all excited for everything we're going to buy to put into our house! We DIDN'T buy though, we resisted, just in case we don't end up with the house of our dreams, and have to pick out new furniture all over again. So, huge sigh, the offer is in, and all we can do is sit and wait....of course we'll keep updating as we hear more about it! So here's to hoping!!

Also, we tried to put Kaeson in Jaeden's old walker, turns out he may still be a little too floppy for that, cute anyways...

Kaeson is 2 months old!

Actually, he was 2 months on the 22nd, but today he had his 2 month check up! He weighed in at 13 lbs 12 oz, a little more than I expected, ranging in the 90th percentile! And was 24 inches tall, a little LESS than I expected, ranging in the 80th percentile.... I thought for sure he was taller, but oh well, still adorable. And as a side note, his head size is only in the 30th percentile! Luckily for him, he doesn't look unproportioned.

He also got all his shots, and he loved the oral immunization, and lapped it up like candy. Buuuuuuut, he didn't do so well with the shots, he had 3 of them today, and I almost cried along with him. I shoved his bottle in his mouth as soon as we were done, and he passed right out. I was so proud of my brave little guy!

No more shots for at least 2 more months...thank goodness! I can't handle it!

P.P.S.

Along with my previous post about how big Kaeson is getting, this is him today lounging around. He's been smiling for a few weeks now, and I've finally been able to get a picture of it! He giggled a few times as well, and he's doing the laugh without any noise coming out. It's so fun though to see the happiness in his eyes, mostly that happens when he sees his Dad, those two are just 2 peas in a pod.

We also bought him a play mat, now that he's a little more alert, and he loves the music it plays! He's a little weary though of the toys that hang off it. I always push them to get them to make their sounds, and I'm pretty sure he thinks they're out to get him :-). I read something the other day in one of the books I was given to "uplift" me after Dyllan died, and I thought it just rang so true, and now that I'm a parent all these mushy things are actually mushy to me.

"Children reinvent the world for you."

Couldn't have said it better myself.

Over the Weekend...

 I was lucky enough this weekend to have a very relaxing couple of days! On Friday night Jamie and I decided to just go out to dinner and take the baby, which is always exciting...there is ALWAYS someone who wants to just adore him and hug him to pieces, and I can't blame them, he IS the cutest boy in the entire world. And as usual, Kaeson was just such a good baby, and let's be honest here, he got that from me, since his Dad was (and is) kind of a hellion.

Anyway, I went to bed pretty early on Friday night, and on Saturday got up early! I was pretty excited to have a girls day with my lovely momma and my baby sister, who is not such a baby anymore...

We all went and got our nails and our toes done by Lori, who is so talented and creative, I have to mention the fabulous job she is done! She is the ONLY reason I would ever drive up to Sugarhouse to get my nails done. So we drove Kelly's new car, a brand spankin' new 2010 Toyota Corolla, red, and super cute! She made me drive, since we had to go on the freeway...and as much fun as I had, I wouldn't want a small car ever again! Thank you Pathfinder!

Yup...Those are pink and white tiger stripes! It's art really :-)

And my glitter toes...cute feet, apparently Kelly and I have the same feet!

Anyways, after that we met my dad at Nordstrom Rack for a minute and he bought me some jeans, which I have been dreading to buy since I haven't lost all my baby weight. So thanks to my Dad.

Then on Sunday we took the baby up to Sundance, and of course, he was awake all through church when we wanted him to be asleep, and was fast asleep when we wanted him awake at Sundance. Oh well, boys will be boys I suppose. We had a lot of fun anyways, it's so beautiful up there this time of year, and it's just nice to feel like you're getting away somewhere, even though it's only 10 minutes away!

We're trying to make the most of my last few days at home. I'm getting a little anxious about going back to work, but I'm also a little excited too. I love being home with my baby, but honestly I'm going insane doing the same old thing all day every day, so 2 and a 1/2 days out of the week I will go back to being a loan officer at Utah Community Credit Union, where every day is a mini adventure of it's own. So...7 days and counting....*sigh*

P.S. tomorrow is Kaeson's 8 week checkup, even though he is 9 weeks tomorrow...we're anxious to see just how big he's gotten, which is BIG. :-)

Babies are always more trouble than you thought... and more wonderful.

Apparently my blog was labeled as a spam blog, or they thought I was a bot...so I haven't had a chance to put much up. Not that nothing interesting has been happening, life as an Anton is always full of...well...something.

Over the last few weeks we've had a flood, which I have yet to be able to put my little apartment back in order. I guess it almost seems pointless since hopefully we will be moving soon. *Fingers crossed* Jamie and I got to spend a day together in Park City without the baby, thanks to my wonderful mother. There've been family bbq's, days at the pool, and blah blah blah. But none of that has given me the motivation to blog today. So what has?! Something I just thought of this morning as I was getting up with Kaeson...

Like I was saying, I was getting up this morning with the baby, and I do have to mention it was the first time I had to get up. I have to give a shout out to my husband, who I've watched become sucha  great dad to this little guy, and an even better husband to me, I'm lucky enough to have someone who is more than willing to share this workload with me even though he also has to get up and go to work. (Back to work for me is in one week :-( ... ) Anyways, back to the point....

A thought came to me, that as a new mommy and daddy, the phrase "going back to sleep" is just something that doesn't apply to us. I mean, some may know that Jamie does have 2 kids from before we were married, and so I've been a stepmom basically since I've known the guy, and P.S. I think the word stepmom is the nastiest word invented. But having these 2 kiddies in our lives has been nothing compared to this new adventure. Sure, they get up early, and they ask for a lot of treats, but at least with those 2 we can say watch cartoons for a minute, or go play outside, or let's go to Granny's and you can play with your cousins! Kaeson on the other hand, is attached to us at the hip, but at least it's not to my tummy anymore :-).

I've tried many times to just "go back to sleep", but my little guy doesn't quite allow it. You see, he's kind of a grunter, and when it's 7 in the morning, and I've had 4 hours of sleep, I'm not dragging enough to just crash. So, I lay there for about an hour trying, unsuccessfully, to allow myself to fall back asleep. But Kaeson just won't have it, he kicks his feet, and waves his arms, slapping me once or twice, and shakes his head. I guess he has a hard time going back to sleep at 7 in the morning too. But after 10 minutes or so he's out like a light, and I'm left to debate whether or not I should just get up and get myself ready. I often even think, "maybe I should just go to the gym" but I'm too lazy for that. Jamie already makes me go with him at night and works me hard! Which he says in a month or so I will be grateful for, so here's to hoping he's right! On the days I don't just get up and get ready, I do regret it, because it takes me 3 hours to shower and get dressed and fit a feeding, and putting him down for a nap in between.

The point is, as a new mommy to my little bundle of joy, none of that even matters, it's been 8 weeks and I'm getting used to the feeling of lack of sleep. And after all of this, I still wonder, what if I was lucky enough to have both Dyllan and Kaeson with us?! And sometimes I get teary eyed over it, like this morning, and I look at Kaeson and think how they most definitely look like brothers, and how cute that would have been...but most mornings, I think, what in the world would I do with TWO of them?!

Just For Fun

He has the juiciest lips I've ever seen on a baby :-)

These are Kaeson's newborn photos. We had them done when he was a week old, and lemme tell ya, it's quite the experience! He decided he wanted to pee and poop at least 3 times, on me, his dad, and the photographer, Heather. No worries, though, she's a friend, and was a good sport about all of it! And I don't say this just because she's a friend, but I'd recommend her to anyone! http://www.heatherannettephotography.blogspot.com/

And then here are some of me throughout the pregnancy, and at the American Fork Hospital.