So this morning as I was driving to work I was feeling extremely frustrated and complaining to myself about all the things that irritate me, mostly things that I cannot control, and therefore think should not be a part of my life...and then I came to work and read this email about a family I work with that were adopting a little girl from China, and their struggle to raise the $30,000 needed to make the trip and bring home the little girl they had been praying for for nearly 3 years. Then I started thinking how lucky, and blessed I have been, to be able to have my own child, and not have to rely on the help of others to get me what I so desperately felt I needed.
Need is not the right word though, I wanted him, and to imagine I couldn't have something I want, seems to selfish in comparison to what others have to go through. And yes, I lost a child, and deep inside do feel like I deserve everything I've gotten, the fact that I have taken it for granted has not eluded me today. All my complaints are gone! I can't control everything, as I should have learned during the long hard journey it took to get our wonderful little angel here, and I should be grateful for that, how boring life would be if we all got what we wanted, when we wanted...
And so, I have to humble myself a little bit, and say prayers for this wonderful family doing such an unselfish thing, taking a child that is not their own, into their world, so she can feel the love as if she WAS their own. And I also have to tell my own family how much I love them, and appreciate everything they have done, and are doing, to help me and my blessed little family.
To my Mom and Dad, you guys have been a tremendous help and support to me and Jamie, never judging or thinking less of us because of decisions we have made. Financially you guys are making so many things possible, and we do appreciate it so much!! We will not let you down. :-)
For my sisters, we haven't always been very close, but I have to tell you 2 how much it means to me that we have the relationships we have now, and that we have become as close as we have, and even though my big sister is going to drive me nuts living a block away, I am glad I will have someone I have come to rely on be my neighbor! And my little sister...I am SOOOO proud of you and how well you have grown up and seemed to escape all the hardships your older siblings have experienced :-).
And then there's my brothers....I love you guys!! We don't talk as much as the girls do, and I hardly see you guys, not that I'm blaming Jordan, it's hard to make the commute from Iraq, but you guys mean the world to me, and I can't imagine having 2 better brothers. You guys both have huge hearts, and I love you so much for them!
So there you have it...my little morning rant, but I had a very sincere feeling today that I wanted to share my gratitude!
P.S. I can't forget my husband, who has been there for me through thick thin, for better or worse, and definitely for richer or poorer! The times I have tried to push him away, he has just come back even stronger and more determined to make me happy...and happy I am!!