Wednesday, October 20, 2010


So this morning as I  was driving to work I was feeling extremely frustrated and complaining to myself about all the things that irritate me, mostly things that I cannot control, and therefore think should not be a part of my life...and then I came to work and read this email about a family I work with that were adopting a little girl from China, and their struggle to raise the $30,000 needed to make the trip and bring home the little girl they had been praying for for nearly 3 years. Then I started thinking how lucky, and blessed I have been, to be able to have my own child, and not have to rely on the help of others to get me what I so desperately felt I needed.
Need is not the right word though, I wanted him, and to imagine I couldn't have something I want, seems to selfish in comparison to what others have to go through. And yes, I lost a child, and deep inside do feel like I deserve everything I've gotten, the fact that I have taken it for granted has not eluded me today. All my complaints are gone! I can't control everything, as I should have learned during the long hard journey it took to get our wonderful little angel here, and I should be grateful for that, how boring life would be if we all got what we wanted, when we wanted...
And so, I have to humble myself a little bit, and say prayers for this wonderful family doing such an unselfish thing, taking a child that is not their own, into their world, so she can feel the love as if she WAS their own. And I also have to tell my own family how much I love them, and appreciate everything they have done, and are doing, to help me and my blessed little family.
To my Mom and Dad, you guys have been a tremendous help and support to me and Jamie, never judging or thinking less of us because of decisions we have made. Financially you guys are making so many things possible, and we do appreciate it so much!! We will not let you down. :-)
For my sisters, we haven't always been very close, but I have to tell you 2 how much it means to me that we have the relationships we have now, and that we have become as close as we have, and even though my big sister is going to drive me nuts living a block away, I am glad I will have someone I have come to rely on be my neighbor! And my little sister...I am SOOOO proud of you and how well you have grown up and seemed to escape all the hardships your older siblings have experienced :-).
And then there's my brothers....I love you guys!! We don't talk as much as the girls do, and I hardly see you guys, not that I'm blaming Jordan, it's hard to make the commute from Iraq, but you guys mean the world to me, and I can't imagine having 2 better brothers. You guys both have huge hearts, and I love you so much for them!
So there you have little morning rant, but I had a very sincere feeling today that I wanted to share my gratitude!
P.S. I can't forget my husband, who has been there for me through thick thin, for better or worse, and definitely for richer or poorer! The times I have tried to push him away, he has just come back even stronger and more determined to make me happy...and happy I am!!


  1. You stink! :-) I love you too Jess. I'll try to annoy you enough that you'll forget we're neighbours :-P I'm so excited that we get to grow up together and do grown up things. I'm sorry for everything I've done to make you feel less important, but I never did it intentionally, and I want to make you feel more important now than ever. Kelly has no chance though, we'll get rid of the guys before she does :-D I'm proud of you for being so strong, I'm so glad you have Kaeson and get to have what you needed. I know you say you just wanted him, but you needed him. Needed him to show you that you do deserve the good things in life. :-) I needed him more though, simply because I was the only one who didn't get to be a real aunt. I love Jaeden and Maddy TONS! Even though I'm only their favourite Aunt when I play tag and no other times haha. Thank you for being there. I know I haven't made it easy, but for the first time I feel like I'm getting what I need too :-) I don't just mean Bryan, I mean my family. The whole family. You're the best middle sister I could ask for :-)

  2. that was nice to read... its easy to forget about the good things in life. I am so happy for you and your cutre family! i miss having you on the other side of the block :)